well, i'm in that bad place once again, because I have made for myself yet another terrible situation. Because I am the instigator of all things bad in my life. I just can't do anything right or worthwhile, why do I draw this shit? Why can't there be something behind it. I want to feel good about what I do, but I don't because some part of my lizard brain switches tracks to fulfill some pathetic sexual desire. Or I just have no motivation, no inspiration, no nothing because I have no brain. I cannot use it right. Maybe if I did, I wouldn't offend Sparky so. I would see that he obviously tries, even if he doesn't seem to understand me very well. Even if it is my fault because of my stupid crush on him. I'm a blind person claiming to be able to see the world and all its nuances, yet I am a fool. A fool who nobody really wants to be close with. The kind of person who is suffering in front of you, but only because of their own stupid mistakes,and their stupid complex. I will die alone, and most likely young. I will not experience love, for love doesn't gel with me. I am useless and a pthetically poor actor.