You want to kill your father, and sleep with your mother.










so says Freud, who was probably high at the time.




and yet, I still feel as though I mean nothing to him. Do I have to be perfect for him to recognise me?

mmm, started university beginning of last week. has been going well. leaves one rather knacked at the end of the day though, hence why I haven't replied or commented or done too much x3; I should be more active here...
but yes, university is going fine, I need to get a bit fitter though, as we do quite a lot of warm-ups as they are clearly needed, and running about X3 oh the studious life of an actor =o
anyway, new stuff may or may not be uploaded for some time, and I may just be generally even more quieter as I get into the groove of things.

fuck this. I hate evrything right now, and feel just so fucking... numbed but angry and frustrated and let down by so much. I feel so fucking underappreciated, am I worth anything? fuck no, i'm not. i'm jjust another numbr, another nothing. I shouldnt hope for anything ever, because everything jsut comes crashing down. Muse's new album somewhat sucks. Matt Bellamy, putting a minute/minute and a half tempo change in every song gets really annoying when it breaks the flow of the song. The Resistance is better then Black Holes and Revelations though. This album has more listenable songs, despite my obvious complaint. Rammsteins new song is just.. pure shock, thats all it is. A shock rock song. The video disgusts me to a degree.. but then, I suppose thats one of the reactions they would have been going for. Still despite the lyrics, and Till singing in english, its not bad. Despite yummy cake on tuesday, the whole day felt hollow and I feel hollow as a consequence, and it is probably part of what is fueling my mood currently. I dunno why I had my hopes up at all, I never get anything. And I feel so fucking ashamed of myself in that as well.

University starts up for me on monday, well it'll be induction week. See how thaat goes. I reckon i'll mess this up again, or just be generally useless and pathetic and hated and not feel comfortable or get along with anyone. I'm ugly and fat.

why do I spend so many hourson this computer just staring at a screen, hoping for one person who will mildly talk to me to come online? and just being blanked by so many others... and hoping for something...

I need to do more, but.. nothing has satisfaction anymore. I hate my art, and my ideas I feel would be better in someone else's hands...

yeah, been the 15th where I live for a few minutes now :V and thus, I am now 20 years old. and feeling pretty old :V ah well, another year in life, and all that.



and it felt so hollow

walking around norwich, was gonna go in some shop, but it was closed. as I was peering in the windows of the shop to see the stock Tim fucking Minchin came out. It was awesome coincedence. he asked me and my friends his opinion on some trousers he just bought =o